How to improve your communication skills?
In a world that is rapidly digitizing every nanosecond, do you ever think about what skills will be un-automable with this digital transformation?
There are many human skills that will not only never be replaced with Artificial Intelligence or Machine Learning, but will actually become higher in demand. One of those key soft skills needed to thrive in tomorrow’s digital workplace is impactful communication. The disruption caused by remote work in the last one year may have morphed communication styles and norms at work, but the case for effective communication has only become more compelling.
With this blogpost, I want to share my point of view from the lens of a people practitioner and more recently communications specialist, to help you drive strong communication skills. I have tried to focus around a few areas that I think are tremendously useful in communicating impactfully and nurturing effective relationships. All the do’s and don’ts below have been heavily researched, used, and are advocated by behavior experts.
What is communication? As such, communication is the transfer of information from one person (sender/speaker) to another (receiver/recipient/audience) in a way that it is understandable to the recipient. Good communication also includes feedback, the response of the receiver to the message, as well as noise, which is anything that can disrupt communication.
Now that we have defined the communication process, let’s take a look at some ways with which the overall communication experience is more productive for the both parties involved.
Listen more than you speak: During conversations, most people tend to be talkaholics. These narcissistic conversationalists like to talk more than they listen. My theory is that it makes them feel like a worthy contributor to the conversation and is a superficial ego-booster. Sadly, what takes a backseat for such talkers is listening, the more critical activity in the communication process.
Listening makes your audience feel important and part of the conversation. It shows them that you’re interested in them and want to know more about them. By working on your listening, you actually engender trust in yourself as you make your audience feel like their words matter. In turn, that sets the foundation of a more trusting relationship.
What can you do to listen more? Pay attention to your audience. Use reflection to understand what they’re saying. Ask questions based on key themes that you pick up from the conversation. Use summarizing and paraphrasing to check on your understanding of the other person’s thoughts.
Be there: Given our obsession with social media and mindless browsing on our smartphones, many of us will likely fit different ends of the spectrum for Social Media Anxiety Disorder (SMAD). Some others are compulsive addicts of checking work emails (even over weekends). And, then there are those who are always multitasking as they juggle several priorities. Given our tendency to carry on several parallel (mental) tasks in tandem, our ability to focus on one thing at a time has now become rare and special. In conversations though, such multitasking is a big no-no! Multitasking causes split attention and distractions, which lowers our ability to concentrate on the quality of the conversation.
What can you do to be there for our audience? It’s important to show your audience that you are physically and mentally present with them. Being fully available is easily manifested by nonverbal behavior including facial expressions, body language, tone of the voice, energy levels, and more. All of these are helpful in developing a good rapport and offering comfort to the other person that you’re really interested in them vs. hearing them or just pretending to offer support.
Show empathy and care: If I asked you to name one thing that you seek from your listeners in a good conversation, what would it be? For me, it is to feel heard and understood. When someone tells me that they get my point of view, I feel validated and cared for, even if they don’t agree with me. I know that with this, they are showing empathy and compassion toward me. Empathy is definitely that one thing that makes individuals feel more comfortable and safe in speaking openly. It is the bedrock of effective communication and relationship building. It makes us all feel like we matter!
What can you do to show more empathy? Put yourselves in the shoes of the other person, as if almost seeing things from their worldview, not yours. Be respectful of individual differences and keep yourself out of the equation to avoid judgment and personal biases to creep in. Focus only on the thoughts and feelings of the other person. Remember, this is about them, not you!
Silence is OK: A lot of people are uncomfortable with silence in a conversation. Research shows that in communication, verbal language accounts for 10% of what’s expressed, vocal tone and pace 35%, and nonverbal communication a whopping 55%. Silence can be positively used in many ways and is, unfortunately, not utilized enough as a tool. There are plenty of benefits of using silence in conversations:
- Saying something hasty and abrupt in response to the listener can often appear as reactive. Instead, taking a pause to gather our thoughts into a meaningful response is always better.
- Sometimes, we may not agree with what the other person is saying but still want to offer support and comfort them just by actively listening or being there. In such situations, silence complemented with nonverbal gestures is the golden rule. It comforts the other person to know that we understand their vulnerability and are with them.
- Healthy silence can also be used when a person is angry and aggravating. Simply being quiet and not escalating with the speaker can extinguish a damaging situation before harm is done.
- Did you know that our ability to listen improves when we speak less? And, we’ve already established the value of active listening in conversations.
What can you do to use silence positively in conversations? Don’t rush to respond to a comment in a conversation. Take your time to comprehend the message and connect the dots; consolidate your thoughts before you can formulate an impactful response. Also, reflect more during a conversation. Leverage nonverbal language to pair with silence.
Ask vs. tell: Many times, when we offer advice, we end up telling the other person what to do. The ability to solve a problem by asking thought-provoking and timely questions vs. prescribing solutions to others is a very important one. I’m a big believer of Person-Centered philosophy and strongly think that we all hold the human potential to solve our own problems. We can do that well with some active listening and empathetic understanding. Engaging in a facilitative dialogue (similar to talk therapy) can in itself be a very healing and empowering experience for the other person. Additionally, it gives them a greater sense of confidence in their own ability to solve their problems and fosters accountability toward bringing any change, as needed.
What can you do to avoid prescribing solutions? Ask more questions! Frame your questions in a way that it facilitates your audience’s thinking in the desired direction. Try to avoid giving advice or imposing your own ideas on your audience. Observe and use presence of mind to navigate the course of the conversation and ask the right questions at the right time.
In my opinion, communication is a lot about optimizing your own personal style. That said, it is helpful to temper it with flexibility around what your audience needs and how to quickly pivot to deliver your ideas impactfully. Also, the area of effective communication is a very vast one and there are plenty of related peripheral topics pertaining to effective communication and improving relationships. Not to forget, effective communication has now become very popular in the workplace. I will focus on other areas related to communication in another blog post.
For now, here are a few reads that I might recommend as next steps:
